A lamer Ubuntu-using script kiddie corporate shill professor was teaching a class on Mark Shuttleworth, known corporate spy and Linux ’programmer’. ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Shuttleworth and accept that he was the most highly-evolved programmer the world has ever known, even greater than Richard Stallman!” At this moment, a brave, i3-using, bash scripting Poweruser who had over 1500 vertically-segmented Terminator windows and understood the necessity of systemd and fully supported all design decisions made by the Arch developers stood up and held up his sister’s netbook. ”What’s this computer doing, pinhead?” The arrogant professor smirked quite graphically and smugly replied “It’s clearly using apt-get to update Ubuntu with all the latest software.” ”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since these packages were released. If it was actually installing the latest and best software, as you say… then it should be running Arch by now.” The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his Ubuntu phone and list of Amazon referral links. He stormed out of the room crying those shill corporate bloatware tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Robbie Williamson, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a GNOME Unity user. He wished so much that he had a some privacy to shield himself from embarrassment, but he himself had sent his search history to Canonical’s servers! The students applauded and all installed Arch that day and accepted Aaron Griffin as their lord and savior. An eagle named “linux-ck” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalkboard. The ArchWiki was read several times, and Judd Vinet himself showed up and enacted a rolling release system across the country. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. His system experienced kernel panic and he was forced to reinstall Windows for all eternity. KISS.